Month: May 2012

THEATRE ROYAL TAKEN BY FORCE

OLD MOLE’S BLOG

Great news.

Our ailing historic Theatre Royal went bust the other week.

But now it’s been taken over by … Thanet Leisure Force.

“Thanet Leisure Force” … such a wonderful name isn’t it?

You can imagine them parachuting off the top balcony and landing on the stage in the middle of some arty production and saying “Okay that’s enough of this elitist crap, bring on the male strippers and mixed martial arts death-matches!”

Apparently Jim Davidson is being brought in as artistic director.

Advertisements

CORRUPTION IN THANET & NORTH KOREA

OLD MOLE’S BLOG

You may recall the other week a Thanet blogger alleged that the monthly magazine THANET WATCH for which I work was funded by the government of North Korea

I’ve sure it’s true, everything in the Thanet blogs is,  but why o why would the heirs of Kim “Eternal President” ll Sung want to spend their hard earned North Korean wons on us?

Now I think I have come up with an answer. 

North Korea is an extremely corrupt regime, as you know, but they must have heard scurrilous and unfounded rumours that there is somewhere even more corrupt, none than our own blessed Isle.

And so they must be funding this publication to establish whether or not this is true.

But what’s the basis of my belief, you ask?

Well, if this weren’t the case, why on earth would Thanet Watch be publishing a SPECIAL CORRUPTION ISSUE in a few days time?

It contains the most astounding and appalling evidence of corruption in the history of local government anywhere.

North Korea will be green with envy, I promise you.

Keep sending the wons, Kim.

“Thanet Leisure Force” … such a wonderful name isn’t it?

You can imagine them parachuting off the top balcony off one of the most historic venues in Britain and landing on the stage in the middle of some arty production and saying “Okay that’s enough of this elitist crap, bring on the male strippers and mixed martial arts death-matches!”

Apparently Jim Davidson is being brought in as artistic director.

SANDY EZEKIEL – THE HOLE TRUTH

Old Mole has sad news.

Thanet Watch magazine was this month planning to publish an extensive interview with Sandy Ezekiel, former leader of Thanet Council.

The interview was videotaped some time ago and was just being prepared for printing.

Now, due to ongoing legal proceedings (see your local paper), this notable event has had to be postponed.

But we will publish it one day, honest!

And that, as Old Mole, says is the Hole Truth and nothing but…

OLD MOLE’S BLOG

I hear a surprising comment that a popular animated cartoon character has been selected to be the next Mayor of Margate! What a wonderful idea.

Further investigation reveals that in reality this is a 22 year old councillor called William Scobie and local wags have most comically got his name mixed up with that of a cartoon character called Scooby-Doo.

But I really do think it’s a wonderful idea.

For instance, I understand our local Conservative Party is looking for a new leader – so why not a Homer Simpson lookalike?

What better way to propel them back into the public imagination?

Of course he’d have to be rather overweight, bald, with a yellowing complexion and an overweening sense of his own self-importance importance… but, boys and girls, you could find someone, couldn’t you?

But watching the mayor of Margate in action on film is an awesome sight.

Just have a look at him on… Will Scobie

Even to Old Mole’s dim eyes, the 23-year old Mr William Scobie is destined for greater things.

So confident, so self-assured, so fluent, so media-savvy…

I put it to my great friend Janet from Thanet that this man is indubitably the next Tony Blair.

“Yeah,” Janet says, “All he needs to find is a couple of spare countries to smash, thousands and thousands of people to slaughter, and war crimes to dodge, and yeah, he could be the next Tony Blair.”

Trust Janet!

Old Mole

NORTH KOREAN NEWS SHOCK

Shocking news hits me from on one of Thanet’s utterly reliable bloggers.

Thanet Watch magazine, for which I write, is apparently funded by money from the totalitarian territory of North Korea.

Surely not!

But if it’s on the blogs…

I make enquiries, and discover to my utter astonishment, this staggering, unbelievable rumour is true.

Apparently Thanet Watch put in for a special grant from the horrific regime’s Blood Money Fund and won a huge amount of development money.

I ring up someone with strong connections to an anonymous Chinese takeaway in Minster and ask him for details.

“Oh yeah, yeah,” he says, “It was either you, a new community centre in Broadstairs Pierremont Park or an underground day centre for members of the Ramsgate Society. You just got it.”

Someone has smacked my gob and I have lost all feeling in it. 

By Old Mole