OLD MOLE’S ELECTION DIARY
I hear from South Thanet Labour stalwart Keith Veness of a most interesting anusing conversation recently. He was at home one afternoon and was surprised to find himself being canvassed by none other than the Tory candidate himself, Mr Craig “I’m a chartered accountant and I’ve got a yacht” Mackinlay.
He discovered that the glamorous Mr Craig, while very glamorous of course, has an alarming gap in his knowledge of local affairs.
This is how their conversation went…
Craig: Have you considered voting Conservative?
Keith: I would rather put my private parts in a meat grinder than vote Tory!
Craig: We have done lots of good things for the country.
Keith: You mean like the Bedroom Tax?
Craig: Are you affected by it?
Keith: No but my next door neighbours have been and you’ve made their lives a misery, you b****ds!
Craig: We have created 1.5 million new jobs.
Keith: Mostly “zero hours” or bogus self-employment.
Craig: [reading from a “prompt card”] Well 36 Labour MPs employ staff on zero hours contracts.
Keith: So you do something outrageous and disgraceful and as long as a few of the opposition join in, that makes it okay?
Craig: No – I do share your concerns about zero-hours contracts.
Keith: While you’re here, what about the disgraceful privatisation and collapse of the Broadstairs Health Centre?
Craig: I don’t know anything about that.
Keith: But it’s opposite your very temporary office in the Broadway. You want to be the MP for Broadstairs and you don’t know anything about the biggest issue in the town?
Craig (backing down the path): It’s been nice to meet you.
Keith: (points at Scobie poster in window). “Couldn’t run a whelk stall” as Aneurin Bevan once remarked…